Zoo+humour

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"

A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him. "How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully," replied the vet.

I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in?

There was this truck driver who had to deliver 500 penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, his truck breaks down. After about 3 hours, he waves another truck down and offers the driver $500 to take these penguins to the state zoo for him. The next day the original truck driver arrives in town and sees the new truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file behind him. The original truck driver jumps out of his truck and asks, "What's going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!" The new truck driver responds, "I did take them to the zoo. And I had enough money left over so now we're going to see a movie."

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby, Quebec, a community south of Montreal, established a municipal zoo that has become a significant tourist attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events. Last September one of the star attractions, Arnold, an Indonesian ape, escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter was a serious one because the members of the staff of the zoo, while expert at caring for animals, had no experience whatsoever in rounding them up or capturing them. The zoo director appealed to the office of the mayor for help and the secretary to the mayor asked, "Have you looked in the yellow pages"? The director said he hadn't, but would, immediately. To his surprise, under "animal capturing service" he found a listing for the Acme Ape Apprehenders. He called them immediately. Within 20 minutes, a panel truck arrived at the admin office of the zoo and a small man emerged and rushed to the director who was waiting at the door. "Is there a wooded area in the vicinity?", the little man asked. The director said there was, within one half mile from the zoo. "Hop in the truck", the little man said. The director did and they drove off. Minutes later they arrived at a small grove and immediately spotted Arnold on a branch about 25 feet above the ground. The two men got out, went to the back of the truck and the little man opened the door. An excited little dog jumped out and began running around in circles. The little man reached into the truck and took out a suitcase, which he opened. In the suitcase were a pair of handcuffs, which he handed to the zoo director, a sawed off shotgun, which he leaned against the trunk of the tree, and a baseball bat. "Now," the little man said, "I'm going up into the tree with the baseball bat, and I'm going to knock the ape out of the tree. The instant the ape hits the ground the dog, well trained, will bite the ape by the crotch and chomp-down with his jaws. The ape will, instantly and instinctively, grab at his crotch with both hands due to the pain, and you snap the handcuffs on and we've got him. The zoo director, pointing to the shotgun leaning against the tree, said "I'm not too sure about this -- what's the gun for?" The little man said, "Look, I'm an expert. I know what I'm doing and things will go just fine, after all, I have the baseball bat. I know my job and it'll never happen but if the ape should, by any chance, knock ME out of the tree, SHOOT THE DOG!!!"

Caller: Finally! I got through! I've been trying to call the zoo for hours! Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!

Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally Elaine talked Jordan's reluctant father into taking him. And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left. "So how was it?" Elaine asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Jordan replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked Elaine. "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Jordan, excitedly,"especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"

What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses? Nothing, he didn't recognize them!

Zoo Keeper:"I've lost one of my elephants" Other Zoo Keeper:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?" Zoo Keeper:"Don't be silly, he can't read!"

Zoo visitor: What's the new baby hippo's name? Hippopotamus keeper: I don't know, he won't tell me.